Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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