Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
