My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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