dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
