I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
