At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
