Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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