I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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