sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
