After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
