Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
