I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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