I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
