there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
