I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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