Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
