Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
