I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
