so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
