New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
