tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
