He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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