my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
