The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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