i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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