she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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