If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
