The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We are two peas in an std pod
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
