My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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