Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
