Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
