Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I had to cum in my sink.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
