You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
