I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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