how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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