you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
