Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
