just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
