I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My liver just broke up with me...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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