She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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