Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
