you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
