Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
