Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
