I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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