Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
