I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the day after is always just damage control
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
