Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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