Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
