The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she told me i tasted like america
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
