O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Still dying that you shit outside
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
